Toseef's Blog

Hmm

Piniyini — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 11:45:31 +0000

The problem with getting back into the groove of blogging, is simply, starting. With so many things having moved on, or how shall I say "evolving" I don't really know where to begin.

Oh I know, my favourite subject of all ...
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You're fired?!

Piniyini — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 23:34:15 +0000

So I really have been a naughty boy.

I think a bit of history is in order. A while back, I had this bright idea of going on a self-proclaimed "self improvement program" because I was becoming incredibly lazy as a result of my apathetic attitude to life (which I have gathered by now is me in default mode). Instead of just thinking about it I decided to convert some of my thoughts into actions, so I highlighted a few things (more on this another time) and thought yes, I really will try and do something constructive and galvanize myself.

One of the things on my invisible list was a change of job, not necessarily a change of field, just a change of scenery, new faces, new surroundings, new route to work, that kind of thing. Finding a job when the country is in a recession was going to be a toughie, especially when we're constantly being reminded of huge job losses in the media but I was keen to give it a try. Some of you will know I work in a finance related call centre, a job I applied for when I needed part time work while at university, and a few years later I found myself still there. So I thought, if jobs are scarce and instead of applying for a job related to my university course where all employers require experience (which, being a student, I have none of) I may aswell apply for another finance related call centre with better pay and prospects etc.

Luckily I landed myself a job at the best finance call centre in the UK, from a customer service and employee perspective anyway (I'm not going to say which one, but you can have a guess if you like). So far so good, the free drinks and snacks (plus other things) helped a great deal. Just one slight problem, I misjudged my notice period at my present employer and on my application form wrote down a notice period of two weeks. BIG mistake.

On my present contract it said something like "if you are employed for less than a year your notice period is two weeks, if you're employed for more than a year but less than two years it's four weeks, and if it's more than two and less than four then its six weeks". At the time I gave my notice I had been working there for 4 years and 8 months and my notice period was eight weeks, i.e. 2 months! Aaargh, and I was due to be starting my new employment in a months time!

So I came to an agreement with my manager (who is incredibly chilled out with me) that he'd reduce my notice period slightly and shuffle my hours so that I could start the training at the new place and give enough notice as required by the present company. All good I thought, that is until today when the new workplace decided to pay our training group, and that's when the trouble started. Who'd have thought getting paid could cause so much of a ruckus?

What had happened was, or so I think, was that my tax bracket and/or national insurance had flagged up as working in two different companies. And if you didn't already know, this is a big no no when it comes to finance companies - it's called "a potential conflict of interest" (no pun intended).

Just after getting paid, I find myself talking to two members of the recruitment team rigging me with what seems to be a-hundred-and-one-questions telling me "this is very important so please ensure your answers are accurate and honest". So I told 'em, and watched them scribble down the answers as if it was a police interview or a court appearance (not that I've ever been to one of those). At the end of the "telling off session" she tells me that my present employer shouldn't have allowed this (my present employer didn't give a sh#t) and that she will speak to them about it. Also, "to come into work tomorrow as usual and we will let you know on a decision after speaking to our superiors".

So that's where I'm at right now. And to be perfectly honest I was only miffed about the situation for the first half an hour after she told me, after that I didn't give a sh#t. Yes I do realise my "self improvement program" could result in me being out a job, out of the old and of the new. But then I realised, I don't have any expenses - no bills to pay, no rent, no-one to rely on me financially, and nobody to give a hoot (other than my parents who would only be annoyed as I'd resort to being a couch potatoe).

Then I had another bright idea. If I do happen to get fired, I could go to America to see my sister and nephew who I have been missing deeply and thinking about at odd hours of the night. The only difference would be I'd be a couch potatoe there instead of here.

And then I could eat my sisters baby and live happily ever after (it's always about living happily ever after). Aye, now there's a plan.

ps: I find out tomorrow.
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8 comments

Time to wake up!

Piniyini — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:35:12 +0000

Aaaiiii haaaiiiii

So who's been a bad boy? Oh aye, that would be me!

Don't know where to start really, I just felt like blogging so here I am. Yes I know, I come and go as I please but would I be me if I didn't?

There's loads I could say, maybe I will, maybe I won't - only time will tell. I'd like to think I've matured since my previous posts, or maybe it's simply a frame of mind. It's been exactly two months since my last post and in that time period I didn't check my blog not even once. Do I feel guilty about neglecting comments and such? Or as some people have said "what about your blog friends?" to that I say I've never blogged for others, only myself. And the one part most people don't really understand is that online friends aren't real. Nice, but intangible, takes away most of the friend element if you ask me.

Anyway, this was simply an opener. I know nobody reads this anymore, but it's not for you, it's for me. If truth be told, blogging helps to get my mind into gear and prioritize everything that's going on around me (try it sometime). On that note, I have to say it's time for me to wake up and take the world head on. So here I go ...
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Woo, A Cheesy Shaadi

Piniyini — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:03:43 +0000

A while back I got a call from a college friend telling me he was waiting outside my house and that he had some important news. From the moment I sat in his car and even before we exchanged salaam, I knew from the huge grin on his face what this was about. He was getting married. It's funny how it's always the one you least expect to fall first.

Now, this friend of mine, I won't refer to him by name but his nickname is "Cheesy" - yes I know what you're thinking "What a 'Cheesy' nickname" yet it suits him perfectly. No doubt, whoever knows him will tell you what a incredibly funny character he is. Going back to one of the first times I bumped into him in college, we were sitting around a table simply joking and lounging about, when all of a sudden the topic changed to the S topic (don't ask how).

And he's like, all innocently ...

"What's S all about?"

We all gave him a blank stare.

"C'mon man, stop playing"

"I don't know what you guys are talking to about, share the joke" he says straightforwardly.

Once again, we looked at each other in disbelief thinking this poor guy's 17 and he doesn't know - maybe his parents have kept him more cocooned than the average asian kid, and there was a sense of feeling sorry for him. It doesn't help that he has one of those faces which gives the impression that this guy could ever tell a lie let alone know one.

So while we all contemplated our approach in utter silence, his long-time friend from school walked in and saw us all sitting quietly. Sensing that something was amiss ...

"What's the matter boys?"

As someone filled him in, his immediate response was ...

"Oh ayvee marnaii, Cheesy stop messin' wi' em!"

We all looked at Cheesy with half rage and total disbelief only for him to respond with a barrel of his corny-trademark laughter. Yup, from then on we all knew we'd get along.

(kinda went off-topic here a little, more tomorrow - if I can be bothered!)
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it's beyond my control

Piniyini — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 12:43:47 +0000

As I was having breakfast today, my somewhat annoying sister was on the computer surfing aimlessly and then she says

"girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, boy"

I look up and she's on my blogroll, and yes this thought has occurred to me too. My blogroll mostly consists of the opposite gender, I have tried rationalising this out in my head but the truth is I don't know why this is.

Although there are 13 people on the list right now the actual database has 51 entries, and only those that update within a fortnight appear as links. Yes, most of them are women (only 13 guys).

Looking at other guys websites, a similar theme runs throughout - they too have more girls on their navbar. But then again, girls have more girls on their lists too.

I think the simple realisation is that there are more female bloggers, that would make most sense to me.
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kids - is there anything they don't know?

Piniyini — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 16:57:49 +0000

I was doing the school round today and on the way back, the neighbours kid (who I also have the pleasure of transporting) says to my sister

"hey, lets shout at some boys!"

I smiled slyly at that, and thought nothing of it. Was I in for a surprise or what. Driving past and on seeing some boys their age they start shouting (with the windows down)

"Hey look at all you gay boys! GAY BOYS, GAY BOYS!"

I was in utter shock. These are two girls aged 9 and 10 are they are saying things like this, not just saying but they actually know the meanings of such words. I did give them a little telling off but nothing too severe, I mean what can you really say?

This brings me to another topic which riles me up really bad. Kids, they know it all these days and from such a young age too, like my little sister she knew it all from the age of 8 (and yes I'm talking about the S word). They even know the meanings of words such as gay and lesbian and know that its abnormal.

Is it me or are they missing out on childhood? I can't even remember anything about being 10 or 11 never-mind such sensitive topics and the only time I knew about the S word was at puberty and sex education. I was oblivious to everything around me till then. God bless sex-ed.

When my elder sister had her baby in February (there's so many things I've not blogged about, this is one of them) I was picking up my darling nephew and somehow came about the topic as to when she discovered the working of the birds and the bees. I was glad to hear it was around the same age as me (13 or 14) any sooner I think is too early and any later, well I won't say anything.

My aunt who was there at the time, and who is originally from Pakistan, told me she found out at the age of 18! And that, when she was working as a nurse, oh the irony. I found that impossible to believe but she reassured me that was the case, I remember her saying that in Pakistan some girls don't know anything at all until they are a lot older.

Anyway I've gone slightly off-topic, all I wanted to say is that kids nowadays know too much too soon and I don't think it's healthy.
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40 ways to confuse a guy

Piniyini — Thu, 28 May 2009 19:34:02 +0000

I received an unsolicited email (spam) a while back from a certain "Fareda Mohamed" with the subject "Muslim Marriage Event". Unlike other spam emails which I simply delete, I opened this one - mainly because there was noway someone would do a send to all with this kind of mail. Meaning someone would have had to manually filter the list (whichever one it happened to be) and look for muslim/asian sounding names, and then send to only those.

Upon further inspection, I'm surprised to see the email was sent to "toseef@googlemail.com" which is a variation of the one I use i.e. @gmail.com although both end up at the same place. But that's not what I'm trying to get at, more confusing to me was the content of the message. An extract:

Would you like to attend the next Muslim marriage event in Manchester, with the chance to meet up to 40 potential marriage partners face-to-face in a single afternoon?

Woah. The first thing that came to mind was "man, that is seriously ferked up!" and y'know why? Because I was thinking, show a guy 40 chicks/women in a single afternoon, and those too who could be "potentials" - boy, is he going to be messed up in the head (for quite some time!). Show a guy one chick and he'll be 'uhming' and 'aahing' until he has a nervous breakdown, but these people want to show 40?! Unbelievable.

I can just imagine it now, some woman saying "Oh I really liked that guy, but he didn't seem too sure". You're damn right he didn't, that's because he's got visions of 39 other woman constantly flashing through his mind!

It goes on to say:

All our introductions take place within a quality, safe and halal environment, with the presence of an Islamic Scholar, ensuring that everyone feels comfortable, relaxed and gets the most out of the experience.

Yeah man, belieeeve, that is really what it says. Halal? Seems outrageous to me. Maybe living in Dews has made me all Taliban-minded but the Tony Blair getting a second opinion (on the legitimacy of the war) situation comes to mind. If the first person disagrees, get a second, or third (and so forth) until one sticks!

All this begs the question, has anyone ever been to one of these? I bet you leave more confuddled (ok I made that word up) than when you first went in. Now I'm curious to know what the success rate is to events like these, I bet you it's not much. Not that I'm thinking of attending.

Oh, if you are at your wits end and think you have nothing to lose the site in question is muslim-marriage-events.com
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check this out

Piniyini — Mon, 25 May 2009 19:55:42 +0000

Came across this youtube vid, some guy singing A Whole New World (the male and female version). Kinda cool, do check it out ...

via thehodge
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ive gone fat!

Piniyini — Sun, 24 May 2009 15:34:14 +0000

Y'know everywhere I go, whoever I see, they will say something along the lines of how much weight I've gained recently. Before, I wasn't too fussed because everyone used to say I'm too skinny and need to gain some weight, so when people started saying I've gone fat I was thinking "Yeah man! This is what it's all about!"

But now, after speaking to a few people I think I need to trim down a lil bit. Currently I'm at 11 stones (154 lbs) and when you're a shorty like me at 5" 7' I don't think that's too good, so I've decided I'm going to trim down to 10 and a half or even 10 stones.

I never thought I would ever be fat, or even ever be called fat but hey, as they're always saying on the telly "these are unprecedented times" ;) which all triggered when I moved next door and started living all by myself. It's funny in a way, because some of my clothes don't fit me anymore and the ones that do are not so comfy anymore (horrible!). Omg, now I think I have an inkling of what women feel like when they say "omg I've gone fat! how did this happen?" damn damn damn

oh, and I turned 23 a week ago so I have to remember that number for a year now
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Oops I did it again

Piniyini — Mon, 04 May 2009 01:11:09 +0000

Me and Abz were going to the cinema to watch X-Men Wolverine today (excellent movie btw) when a police car flashes up behind me, yes a POLICE CAR, so naturally as anyone would, I pull to the side to let it pass. But no, it doesn't want to pass but pull me over. I was a little shocked yet at the same time thought nothing of it assuming it was just a regular stop and check.

The policeman walks to the passenger side of the car and on that I draw down the window. He asks us a question (which I can't quite remember) and straight away reaches out and takes out the tax disc ...

"Why is your tax disc six months out of date?"

At this point I am shocked out of my face!

"It is? I didn't know!"

"Would you mind joining me and my colleague in the car?"

And on that, I walk to the car and take a seat. This is the first time I've sat in a police car and I'm surprised to find out how comfy it is, and the gadgets are pretty cool too.

He asks me why the road tax is out of date, and I simply told him the truth. That I usually recieve a letter reminding me it's up for renewal and I don't recall receiving one, and that could be due to me not living at the car's registered address. Though I've only moved next door, he didn't need to know that ;)

Then he's like

"Do you know when your MOT is due?"

"Err ... not really"

"Well lucky for you, we've ran your car through the system and it expires in 4 days"

"It is?" (shocker!)

"Make sure you get it done by then"

On that note he tells me I've got a standard �60 fine and lucky for me no points on the license. I was happy with that. Also, he seemed to be a pretty laid back copper ...

"If it was some of my colleagues they might have taken the car since it's not supposed to be on the road, but me and my colleagues we're not like that. We'll let you go to the movie as long as we don't see you driving in the evening"

When I got back to the car Abz couldn't believe what had happened, neither could I for that matter. Truth is I don't really have an interest in cars, mine or anyone else's. Anyone would have thought that after the previous incident I would have learnt something by now. In all honesty, I don't wanna!
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Realisations

Piniyini — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 13:08:31 +0000

As time trudges on, you realise things. A few I've come to conclude.

I'd rather lie to you than tell the truth if I believe it helps the overall picture. Or in this case, I'd rather not say anything.

You're not a man if you don't stand up for what you believe in.

Parents don't know what's best for you, despite their insistence.

Extreme is not so extreme after all, you got to do what you got to do.

Women are a weakness.

I can't bring myself to blog about really personal issues like some bloggers do, instead I'll sugarcoat a little and serve.

Life is a numbers game. No numbers, no life.

Only you can make yourself happy.

You aren't alive if you're living for someone else.

Expectations make me repel.

I'll probably never touch you.

Role models don't exist, for they break down like the rest of us.

Break-even, whatever you do, break-even.

I have a problem with authority whoever they may be.

Know your limititations.

Change is not always for the better.

And finally ...

Everyone's in it for themselves.
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4 comments

new beginnings

Piniyini — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 12:51:37 +0000

Sometimes, just sometimes, you need to start over.

(and by you I mean me)
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news travels fast

Piniyini — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:20:56 +0000

"I heard Sami and T are going out?! :-o" ~ misspecs on twitter

Why does the internet have to know EVERYTHING ?
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wedding menu-eggs flour oil ketchup

Piniyini — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 01:41:17 +0000

My cousin was showing me this vid of some local boys he knows, and although I laughed at first, now I almost feel sorry for him. This is the price he pays for getting married and having such wonderful friends who celebrate it at his expense.

Best line has to be at 3:18 when he says "I can't even fucking see where I'm going!"

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its all about sleeping

Piniyini — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 11:52:08 +0000

Alright, I've been slacking with this blog and everything else in life and its slightly dawning on me that I need to do something.

To be continued ... (excellent suggestion from Abz, so why not)

back

So anyway, not been doing much despite having all the time in the world. I think today has been the only time when I've woken up early, got to uni and actually gone to the morning lecture. And now I'm feeling sleepy but just trying to keep awake for the next one.

A bit of backtracking here, I've moved into the next door house since the beginning of rozay and it has been simply awesome. Three months of sleeping and I've only just decided to wake up and do something (but I don't know what).

Best thing of living alone is no-one bothers you at all, wake up when you want to (if at all), parents are not-so-in-ya-face, stay out/up late without anyone calling where you are, and having friends over whenever you want. Oh, the best thing by far has to be rolling out of bed nanga and walking about free as god made ya. Freeeedom like you've never known it before ...

Er yeah, I've been sleeping alot and believe it or not its quite addictive - most of the time I only wake up because of the warm drool foaming in my mouth. So serously stupid. I had this one week where I was sleeping till 3pm and by the time I'd had breakfast and sat down for 2 minutes, it was dark outside. I can't believe winter is here and that it gets dark by 4pm. Ridiculous.

Another thing I'm slightly concerned about is the lack of things that concern me. I mean, I don't care about anything. I don't wanna work, I don't wanna go to uni, I can't be asked doing sports, hell I can't even be bothered chasing girls. Surely this is not normal for a 22 year old?

I wanna go Dubai, yeah thats what I want. And live there, not liking UK so much right now.
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eight bottles (or should i say att botla)

Piniyini — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 20:58:52 +0000

My eldest cousin always forwards me text messages, sometimes they're funny, sometimes they're not and mostly they're riddles like the one I got today. Usually I can figure them out but today I'm not having much luck. Even the sizzling brain power of Abz couldn't help me so I'm posting it here.

>> Two men and a woman were stuck in a lift during a heatwave. 1 of the men had 3 bottles of water with him and the other had 5. They shared the eight bottles of water equally between the 3 of them. Once they had been freed, the woman gave the men �8 as payment. What is the fairest method of dividing the money.

Now I'm thinking why the hell did the woman have to be such a b1tch and give the men �8 ... cos knowing the riddle but not the answer will get me thinking at odd hours of the night (when I could be using that valuable time to think of something else).

You wouldn't know the answer by any chance would you?
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motivation

Piniyini — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 23:54:49 +0000

Haven't done any proper blogging in a long time I know, for reasons I don't quite know myself. I'll try to fill the blanks some other time but for now I'll jump straight into today. Went to uni today (yes, on a Sunday!) with Abz, and although it started with good intentions we finished before we even started. Typical scenario when it comes down to us two.

After watching Inside the Saudi Kingdom on bbc iplayer for a whole hour and surfing aimlessly for another, I decided to open Word only to write a few lines.

Abz: "Tos, what are we doing here ... on a Sunday?! Man, we don't even come in when we're supposed to yet here we are pretending to do something."

The guy speaketh wisely, and when he does I listen. Especially when he says what I'm already thinking ... and so that was the end of that little trip to uni. Here we are concerned about getting uni work done but not concerned enough to actually do it. On the way home Abz is trying to figure out why we can't be like other students and what in the world is wrong with us.

"You know what our problem is? We don't have any motivation to do ANYTHING"

The boy was on form and making sense all the way, at times like these all I can do is nod agreeingly.

I don't know what we're going to do, but I do know neither one of us takes life seriously and it'd be fair to say we're not going to get anywhere anytime soon (if at all). That's the harsh reality of it.

Hmmm :(

Oh, watch Inside the Saudi Kingdom it's quite good!
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Give a little to save a lot

Piniyini — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:10:11 +0000

I was jus surfing today and came across Pink Hijab Day. The blog owner, Jana, is helping raise funds for cancer research as well as raise breast cancer awareness.

Did you know that asian women in the uk are least likely to see a doctor if they suspect breast cancer? Quite alarming really. The worst thing is, this disease could claim anyone ... it could be your mother, sister, wife or daughter. A horrifying thought.

By no means am I saying that guys aren't affected by cancer (as indestructible as we may seem at times) and the only reason I'm directing this more towards women is the significance of Pink Hijab Day.

You can use donatetobreastcancer.org/pinkhijabdayuk to make a donation, so go on, give a little.

And hopefully, you'll save a lot.
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a little car accident

Piniyini — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:25:11 +0000

I was driving back from work yesterday listening to the radio when I heard a song I hadn't heard in ages, it was one of those weird ones which makes no sense at all yet you think it's amazingly wicked. Y'know one of those which you sing-a-along to and immediately has you in a funny mood.

The song in question is "A little time by The Beautiful South". Check it out ...

"You need a little room for your big head,
Don't you, don't you!"

LOL

So there I was stretching out the last verse to the song when I approached the last set of traffic lights and expected the car in front to go on amber (lights turned from green) but it stopped! I was totally surprised and foot the brakes as fast as I could, arrggghh car wasn't stopping so using my clever little brain I pressed harder. Oh bad move, it had been raining so instead the car skidded ... right into the back bumper of the other car. And it made a loud crashing noise too, worse thing was it was all in slow motion and I'd expected the crash 5 - 10 seconds before it happened. Pure agony it was.

I got out of the car and noticed the person driving was a middle aged woman, she seemed OK but I asked her anyway if she was.

"I can't believe this has happened to me, today of all days"
"Well I am sorry but it couldn't be helped, it's totally my fault if you want to claim"

She begins to inspect the damage on the back of her bumper and very shockingly there is none (maybe because she has a new car and they build 'em better?) - not even a scratch!

"I don't know why I bothered to wake up today, I woke up this morning and found someone had broken my wing mirror"
I stayed quite to let her vent
"Now this is all I need. Can I have your details? The bumper seems OK, but just in case"

We exchanged details and just to reassure her I pointed to whereabouts I lived. "Yeah I know Savile Town well, I was born and raised here" I was a little surprised to say the least.

I drove off thinking I can't believe I've had my very own car crash, and I wasn't worried about anything at all. So much that I didn't even bother to tell any family members when I got home.

That song still puts me in a funny mood though ... if only I had a little more time I wouldn't have bumped somebody.
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13 comments

change the fucking subject

Piniyini — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:47:06 +0000

So I been a little MIA, I hope you don't mind but there was something I wanted to get off my chest (and I don't mean the hair though it has been bugging me lately).

Desi's, or Deshi's, however you wanna fucking pronounce it - it all boils down to the same thing, y'know what I'm talking about, those South Asian retards. The conversations. The attitude. The mentality. The shitty lifestyle.

And to quite frank with you all, we're not helping. We say we're "modern", "liberal", "intellectual" and what not, but really we're just succumbing to the information and lifestyle that we've had passed down to us. Not ever the thought to question and challenge them on their views, oh no (because that would be too much trouble) but instead we'll disagree and go along with it. Yup, that makes sense.

But then it gets better, or so we think, setting up blogs and shouting "hey look at me I'm a desi!" and telling everyone how nice of a guy or gal you are. Then after a certain period of time we move ten steps backwards, get into a huddle, hold hands and whisper the same lame words that our elders muttered at our age ...

"So when are you getting married?"
"You like that guy don't you?"
"Tell your parents to find you a nice girl"
"Koee larkee pasand hai?"
"I know someone who'd be perfect for you"

etc etc.

The only difference is we're modern, remember? Meaning instead of coming to your house for chai and biscuits, I'll send you a quick text saying the exact same thing. Or send an email, have a messenger conversation, leave a blog comment, or even facebook your ass. It's still the same thing, I'm your desi uncle and you're my annoying auntie shaanty (honay walee). We haven't evolved much, us desis, except maybe technologically.

Everywhere you turn someone's talking about it. If it's not about yourself then it's about someone else, nevertheless the fucking subject is alive and kicking. It seems that's all we ever talk about - how lame and lifeless does that make us?

The content of the conversation is ridiculous in itself ... "This guy's not married or that girl's not married" big stupid hoohaa and like I fucking care! To make matters worse girls themselves will be like "omg I'm X years of age (usually in their 20's) and I should be married". Should? According to whom? Them?

It goes a bit further than this though, the girl herself will beat herself up over it, have sleepless nights and even cry herself to sleep. A few nights of this and eventually it leads to depression. All because of what? Simply the people around her. Put this very same girl in a different environment and the last thing she'd think about would be marriage.

And so I could go on about this forever, I'm not going to because I know it's not going to make an iota of a difference. What I am going to say is change the fucking subject cos chances are we're all going to get laid - whether we like it or not in some cases!
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